“Before the Lord, in the silence of your hearts, some of you may feel called to follow him in a more radical way in the priesthood or the consecrated life. Do not be afraid to listen to this call and to respond with joy,” the Pontiff encouraged. “As I said at the inauguration of my pontificate, God takes nothing away from those who give themselves to him. On the contrary, he gives them everything. He comes to draw out the best that is in each one of us, so that our lives can truly flourish.” - Pope Benedict XVI  (Source)

Re: the red words… NO KIDDING!

Camp started today. A growing experience. I love being with the kids, but I feel overwhelmed. It will get better. You kind of just have to make it up as you go along. Improvisation. Spontaneity. Flexibility. Ingenuity.

I have a new found respect for camp counselors.

And it’s only been one day!

The Night Before I Returned

My life now consists of one suitcase, one carry-on bag, and a backpack. Gosh. I never thought it would come to this, but I could easily live out of my suitcase. I have what I need, even more than that. I did not think that I would be able to do it, but since the airlines decided to charge an extra $25 for a second bag, I had to. I can do a lot of things with $25, and I really do not want to spend it on luggage fees.

 

So, there is my suitcase, my bag, and my backpack sitting over there. The suitcase is 50 lbs, exactly. That is exactly the same weight of just one of my two suitcases that I came home with. What happened? Two years ago, when I moved home, my life fit into the back of a small “apartment sized” U-Haul. Those were all the things that I thought were essential for me to be able to exist comfortably. I had my CDs full of exotic Arabian, Indian, Persian, and Moroccan music. There was my collection of Geisha dolls that I had just started because I found some really beautiful ones at a thrift store for a few dollars. All of my blankets and sheets were brilliant jewel tones; Mom had raised me on pastels. Even now I have a trunk in the basement with the blankets that I had collected in them – it is a veritable rainbow of fabric and I miss them. The textures and colors were comforting.

 

As I look around my room, I do not really miss anything but the blankets. Well, and this little golden medal Moroccan mirror that I got for $2 on clearance at World Market. I like it because the styling is very iconic and when I see my reflection it makes me think of a Greek religious Icon. Like we are the Icon. Really, it’s a prayer, but no one would know it but me. Maybe it will be something I will take with me eventually. I do not know.

 

I wish I could show you my St Joseph statue that is sitting here on my dresser. He is rather chipped, but I love him. The little Jesus cuddles in his arms and it makes me think that St Joseph’s arms must have been such a wonderful place to be. Strong carpenter’s arms; protector’s arms. I love St Joseph.

 

Oh, and you should see these dead butterflies that hang in a frame on my wall; I think they are creepy, but Mom likes them, for some bizarre reason. Being an animal lover (and bug lover… most bugs) it is like having a cemetery on the wall.  Not my taste in decoration; its rather tragic, actually.

 

There is a computer chair in my room. The exact same chair that we have about 15 of in the Formation House study hall. We had to put them together this past year; the process was familiar. It is strange to think that I sit in the same kind of chair at home and in California.

 

Then I have this great bright blue on blue dresser that I fished out of someone’s garbage. It was in perfect condition! So I took it for myself and it was a great dresser. While I was in college it was my TV stand and bookshelf. If you opened any of the drawers I did not have what you would expect in the drawers. Many of them contained books turned on their side; much like a spice drawer. Martha Stewart would be proud.

 

Its hard. It is really hard to leave all of these things. What really is the standard for what one truly needs in life? Is it whatever fits in the baggage allowance? Are they those things which one longs for in awkward moments and tight spots? What is truly essential in life? I thought I knew, but now, like so many things in my life, I am no longer sure of what I know.

 

But what I do know, is that I have my one suitcase, one carry-on, and my backpack. The suitcase weights 50 lbs and I am going back to New Jersey soon to see my 2^nd family; my Salesian Family. For now, I can work with that.

 

The Day I Returned

 

Well, here I am. I am spending the night in Paterson with the Sisters. Tomorrow is “Gratitude Day” for the province in which we show our gratitude to our provincial and to one another for all of the blessings and love which we have experienced during the past year. I am so happy to be with my Sisters for it. Salesians really know how to do celebrations right!

 

I came down with food poisoning last night so I was rather sick feeling this morning when I got to the airport. I did NOT want to get on the plane, but as the flight was only a little over 2 hours I knew I would be able to make it. It just took hutzpah, and I barely had the energy even for that!

 

My fellow passengers ended up medicating me (I did not look so hot since I had not slept either) and I slept the entire way from Chicago to Newark. It was GREAT. Then after I got my luggage I was only outside for a few minutes when the Sisters pulled up in their van. I felt like I was leaving home anew when I left Chicago, and it was a lot harder this time to leave than when I came to be a candidate, but on the flip side, I also felt more at home with the Sisters this time; like I had left home and to come home. If that makes any sense.

 

I admit it, I cried last night. I was an emotional mess. Confused. Unsure of myself. Not wanting to leave. Not entirely willing to cast out into the deep with God, but I was able to spend some time in Adoration last night and to talk to a very close friend of mine… someone who has been a great solace and wise support for many years, and it put everything in perspective. All I had to do was get on the plane. Just do it. Trust that God would work everything out for the good; that every pain I feel in leaving family, friends, and what has been familiar to me for 23 years, would somehow come back to me more whole and more wholly loving.

 

I am a more joyful and peaceful person that the one who first arrived on the Sisters’ doorstep last summer. I do not know what God has planned; I am still not certain that this is my vocation, but I am going to keep discerning until I get an answer one way or another. And I am resolved to enjoy the experience.

Dear Friends,

I am still alive; I am sure that you are relieved. I have been at home with my family, as I said I would be. It has been a very busy time. Much of it has been spent just catching up with friends and family and enjoying the simple pleasures of life, like swinging in the backyard and checking on my mother’s newly planted vegetable garden. This visit does not feel as surreal as my Christmas visit did, but in some ways it is harder to think that I must leave again. It is as if I am only just beginning to realize that I am seriously doing this… !

Obviously I am making a bigger commitment to this life and preparing for the novitiate during this coming year of postulancy. The home visit has really given me the time to consider if I really feel called to this and if I sincerely desire to continue, and I do. With the help of the Sisters I hope to grow a lot more as a Salesian, and as a woman. I know that my faith has deepened, but not in ways that I expected. My experience of God has become more personal and merciful, and I think that reality has changed the way that I interact with others.

In about a week and a half I will be headed back to New Jersey to work at the summer camp. I look forward to being with the young people, although I am a little apprehensive about camp – I have never been to a camp before! I am sure that I will be fine, though. I know the camp and the Sisters there are amazing.

One of the readers of this blog and my friend, Fr CM Paul, recently received the honor of the prestigious John Barrett Award for the BEST REPORTER of the South Asia Religious News 2007-2008. The full story is on one of my favorite websites, Don Bosco India.

Amazingly, Father Paul achieved this award all while pursuing his doctoral studies in Social Communications. Congratulations, Father!

Please take a moment to read about our brothers and sisters in Myanmar. The Salesian archbishop, Charles Bo, wrote of the situation, “We are a nation in mourning. 2.3 million of our people have a new name: refugees and homeless. At this very moment, when you are reading this report, thousands who survived nature’s gory violence, will be lining up in some remote villages, waiting for food and aid. The dead are also waiting for a decent burial - Yes! On the top of the trees, floating in waters and in the bushes and roadside, the spirit of our people is waiting for eternal rest.” Let us continue to keep them in prayer and if we are able, financially support the relief effort. (source and more information)

In addition to being home, I have been busy on the computer… a little bit. I scanned the booklet which I wrote on Blessed Bro Artemides Zatti. You can find the PDF download here or on my download tab. There is also a link to a “plan of life” which a Salesian Brother wrote back in the 1930s. His name was Vincent Nassetta. He was a missionary from Italy to the US, and worked as a shoemaker. Although some of what he wrote gives a different perspective to Salesianity, what has remained the same is the obligation which every Salesian has for sanctity. It can be found here on the download tab, as well.

Meanwhile, I just spent almost 5 hours this week trying to figure out with the Dell technicians WHY my internal wireless card is not functioning properly after I got my laptop back from repairs for the monitor. UGH. It always happens that when I send my laptop in for one thing, it comes back with another thing wrong. I cannot stand it. The issue is still not resolved. I have opened up the laptop and manually reinstalled the card, I have updated drivers, restored my PC… everything short of reinstalling my OS, which I am reluctant to do because I would lose files and programs. I should have never sent it in. Let this be a lesson to anyone considering the purchase of a new laptop… buy something else, just not a Dell. It was going well for a while with this one, but yet again we are starting this pattern of sending it in for one thing and another thing coming back malfunctioning… and it makes no sense, since I had not sent my hard drive in with the laptop. Dell insists that its not the card itself since I am able to get some minor connection (either “No Signal” or “Low Signal”, even though other laptops near me get “Excellent”) so I have no idea. Why does this always happen when I am traveling?

Oh well. End of rant. Pray for my laptop!

One more thing - Brother Mathew John won a 2nd prize in the Multimedia Film Category of the 23rd International Catholic Film and Multimedia Festival concluded at Niepokalanow, Warsaw, 1 June 2008. Congrats to Bro. Mathew! His film can be seen here. There are other Salesians among those who received awards, so read up and read some more! Our Indian Salesian Brothers are doing amazing things.

Wonder why? Click here to see the video!

The March/April 2008 edition of the Salesian Sisters’ Magazine, DMA, has an article on page 35 about YouTube, with an article opposite about the simulation game “Second Life”. I was really surprised to find that, but the Sisters keep surprising me!

So in honor of that, here is a link to my YouTube page, where I have tried to compile some Salesian videos.

I am sorry that my posting has been sparse lately, but with our trip up North, and our visits to other places in the area, I have had very little time to do any blogging or emailing. Not that I am complaining… I love seeing the different Salesian houses!

Before I start the “me, me, me!” section, please keep the California forest fires in your prayers. They are very bad, and many people have been evacuated from their homes. We are safe down where we are… but we know people who have had to leave their homes - its very scary. We never had anything like wildfires in my part of Illinois, so beginning the year with the smoke and ashes from fires east of us and ending it with knowing people who are affected by it, has been a sad learning experience.

On Sunday I am headed home for a month. I am looking forward to seeing and being with my family and friends. My little brother got his first paycheck this week and he said that he cannot wait to treat me to lunch! (I am so proud of him.)

I plan on watching TV with my mom and dad, cutting my dog’s nails (which, I hear, are sorely in need of a trim and Mom is too nervous to try it), trying to pare down my things that I will bring for next “year” (aka June 21) and then just enjoying being home. Last time I was home it was weird because I felt like I had never left once I got there. I wonder what it will feel like when I go this time.

I am really looking forward to touching base with my friends… so much has changed for all of us during the past year. Most of us moved to other states… but some will be back for a while.

June 21 I will board another plane, this time for New Jersey to work at Camp with the Sisters. It is day camp (thank God… I do not know if I could handle resident camp… but you never know… I never know!). Through most of the summer I will be there, and the on August 4th, my companion-postulants will become Novices. *sniffle*

August 5th we will all travel to the altar of Mary Help of Christians at the National Shrine in Washington DC to thank Our Lady, as FMA, for the 100 years of our Institutes’s presence in the US. I think that it will be a beautiful experience. I have never been to Washington D.C. before. Its all very exciting!!!

August 7th, our formator and assistant will accompany us back to California. We will have to push the walls to fit us all in the formation house… we were all accepted for postulancy (the ceremony will be in October, I think), and there will probably be 6+ women joining us. That means at least 11 in the house, plus the assistant… There are 13 beds, but if the assistant takes an entire room (which she will) then there will be 11 beds… oh it shall be crashing at someone’s house! Sleep where you can! I know the Sisters are working on it… no bunk beds (thank God! I am afraid of them). Always an adventure…

Yep… I am going to be a postulant in October. It has been quite the year. I have had a lot of experiences: joyful, difficult, amazing, strange, and wonderful, but none of them are regretted. I’ve made mistakes… more than I ever imagined I would, but the Sisters have been so understanding and loving… not to mention patient!

Really, if any of you are considering joining, do not be afraid. Do not expect to be perfect; do not fear your mistakes. Take the leap, because even if you are not called to be a FMA, being here for a year will greatly enrich you. It is a beautiful life and there is nothing to lose from trying. I am so glad that I cast out into the deep. You will be, too.

Finally, I have a little gift for everyone… a video message! Enjoy!

Check out our latest video… hope it makes you smile!

We recorded this a few hours ago… it was part of our celebration of the feast of Mother Mazzarello.

A blessed and happy feast to all of my Salesian brothers and sisters, and to all of you!

I will be headed to one of our houses up north tomorrow, so I will be out of touch for the next week.

Favorite kid quote from this morning, when I was telling the kids that the school Mass was in honor of Mother Mazzarello:

What? Who is she, the Mother of all Cheese?

I love kids.

Mother Mazzarello blog recap (just in case you are wondering who she is - where have you been?!):

I needed that… Thanks, Mom.

Short (relatively) biography of Mother Mazzarello

Why Mother Mazz is Awesome

Wikipedia Entry which I wrote about Mother Mazz (and need to edit)

I said that when I found the Salesian Decalogue among my things I would post it. As I had been cleaning and packing to go home for a month and then head to summer camp, I have had to root through many things that were buried in the bottom of my drawers. Among the many pieces of random paper I seemed to accrue (and which are now in the recycle bin), I found it! (Words in parenthesis are mine.)

The Salesian Decalogue

1. Seek to please God. (In the end, His opinion is the only one that really matters…)
2. Nothing by force and all for love. (We must respect the dignity and autonomy of others… and do whatever we do with love.)
3. Ask nothing, refuse nothing. (Basically, if you do not create extra wants, you will not have so many extra needs. Be grateful for whatever you have.)
4. Go from the internal toward the external. (Our goodness must come from outside of us and be deeply rooted in a living relationship with God.)
5. Proceed tranquilly.
6. Think only of “God’s today”.
7. Begin again each day.
8. Glean profit from all occasions. (Even if it is a “bad” experience, there is always something to learn.)
9. Be happy!
10. Live with a free spirit.

I think that it basically has to do with living in the present moment and having your priorities straight. I am trying to live in the present moment, but as I pack up all of my belongings and prepare to go home on May 25th for my home visit, I cannot help but wonder what is going to happen. Am I going to be accepted into the postulancy? What is summer camp going to be like? (We work at summer camp end of June - July.) I am trying to live with a free spirit, as well. The song from my childhood, “Que Serra”, comes to mind a lot these days.

Meanwhile I have been saying goodbye to unnecessary items, and trying to simplify. Thanks to the airlines only allowing one free checked bag, it is going to be interesting traveling from now on!

Religious Ed is over. The school year is winding down. Tomorrow is Mother Mazzarello’s feast day, so we have invited about 17 of our SDB brothers over to celebrate with us (somehow we will stretch the walls and fit). On Wednesday we are headed up north to another FMA convent/school for about a week for a class and to relax a little bit. (They have dogs… need I say more?)

Speaking of dogs, we were able to visit some benefactors the other day and they had this magnificent English Mastiff named Roxy. What a sweetheart. below is a picture of her and I.

I cannot believe that this year has gone by so quickly. It feels like I got here only a month ago, yet the abundance of experiences reassures me that it has been more than that. Time has never passed so quickly. Amid the laughters, tears, frustrations, joys and adventures, our group has really bonded and we have all grown. I am a stronger person now; I do not regret a moment.

Last week we went on an overnight retreat with our Intercongregational Novitiate Class. The Sisters of St Joseph of Orange lent us their house, which is right on the beach. (See picture) It was a lovely time, but being with the different Congregations only confirms that I could never be anything but Salesian. There are many groups that have education as their aposolate, but no one does it quite like us. The Oratory Model sets us apart.

Finally, because we are dorks, we wanted to share with you a little glimpse into our life… and what we do when we are bored and waiting for someone to show up. Please, do not be scandalized… I hope you feel pity for our poor Assistant who has to put up with our craziness.

Please click this link to see our video.